Still Have Faith?

As I reminiscent about my life, this words stand out: Listen for God's voice. How many times have you tried to do that? How many times have you knelt on your knees and strained your ears to hear nothing? And then how many times have you appealed to God with a plea: Let me know Your will? I have. Many. Many times I would not get a direct answer - God kept quiet. No! He did not leave me, but He had something better for me, much better. At the moment of prayer I would not realize the benefits of His will, only later. Later on.  

We had recently come home from the hospital with a little baby Steve who was shining like a star. No, he did not smile yet (little babies start smiling as they grow).  But he was very cute, a tiny one with only one strange thing: a tube protruding from his nose.                                                                                                                                                                                                    Steve could not eat by himself. His sucking reflex was gone due to the special therapy that suppressed his birth convulsions. Never mind - I thought. I will teach him how to eat by spoon! He will be the smallest baby that knows how to eat with a spoon :). The idea made me smile. It was an adventure for a young girl/newly-made-mother, that never gave up and here she faced a challenge that was easy to overcome.                                                                             And we started. Steve would swallow his milk given to him with a tiny spoon. 6-7 times a day. Each feeding - 20 minutes. Then - sleep. (Both: the mother and the son). Feeding was tiresome, but it was real. No more tube in his teeny nose and no need to use that ugly syringe. 

The boy grew slow, he would remain very light for many many months. He would keep silent, and started smiling back at us when he turned only 6 month. That was ok for his mother and father. They were delighted to see his occasional sincere smile, no voice heard yet. Eating still the same - by spoon and milk only. I prayed a lot. I knew there was something wrong, but does it matter if Jesus is with you?

Once a friend of mine took us to a pediatrician. He was a well-known doctor with many excellent references. (Famous!) He was old as well which indicated his experience and expertise. So we went. An appointment was at his office, rather a fancy one. My friend was next to me. The doctor examined Steve's eyes. Then he said: I recommend you give him away to the orphanage and have another NORMAL child.      

I just smiled and went out. At home I found myself in resentment: How dare he tell me like that about my son? HOW? I know one day when Jesus comes Steve will walk, and speak, and laugh, how can I give him away? How can I reject my son? How could Jesus reject us, crippled, sinful, blind, grumpy, lame, stuttering? There was no question to leave my son in the orphanage or no, but a big question till now flies in my head: How can a PHYSICIAN propose such a solution? There is no doubt about God's love to us. It is shining through the life of Jesus, that came to earth to show that He did not give us away to have better children, but he came to heal us from our sins. Though a 'doctor' has been telling Him till today: Leave this children, give them to the orphanage, go make new ones to be sure you won't have troubles with them. This is the reality of life.
Why did not I want to leave my child?

 I did not want from Steve anything, I simply wanted him. That's what is built-in. Jesus created us like that. And I am grateful to Him that His love still can be seen in us, fallen humans.

Many years have passed. Steve is a big boy today. He is almost 9. Long legs like his mom has, beautiful angelic face, curly hair from the daddy, and huge smile and contagious laugh. He is our normal child, not normal in general reality, but normal in a sense of his situation. Something that will change one day, but today we enjoy our life the way it is. We make plans, we talk to God. We ask Him is our plans are ok with His will. He answers. Always. Maybe not at the same time we expect Him to, maybe a bit later. Maybe in a different way. Sometimes He surprises us with His will, for we never can apprehend how generous He is. This is a little story, a partial one, for it continues. More short stories about Stivchik will be written with time. More plans will be made in our lives. My wish today is that you have faith that Lord's purpose is the best for you.